Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Just Listen

Listen...listen to what?

Just listen....listen how?

Just listen intently....listen intently is what I keep hearing over and over....

My head seems unable to rest the last few months.  I am constantly thinking, planning, prioritizing, and worrying.  Yes, I admit it, I worry.  Too much.  I thought I had gotten better at my worrying - when in reality I had not.  Turns out my life was running fairly "smooth" therefore not much cause for worrying.  Then one day - boom - you know the "boom" feeling right?  Where you literally feel the weight of the world crashing down on and around you.  Well, that is where I have been the last couple few several months.  Let me tell you, it is not a fun place to be.  It is part of the reason I have not blogged much.  I just have not known what to share.  Stress and worry are not fun topics to blog about.  Stress and worry do not do positive things to me - and before long, it really affects me physically and emotionally.  Sometimes it seems lately that my head has been in overdrive with the planning and worrying - instead of listening.  As I look back through my prayer journals I see a lot of my thoughts, plans, ideas, worries, etc. but what I am not seeing is my listening.  My waiting patiently for His answer, on His plan. Yuck!  I do not like that.  I do not want it to be that way.  I do not want a prayer life where I just talk and plan instead of listen and waiting.  So that is where I am at today.  Listening and waiting.  It is hard.  Really hard.  Seems that we have hit another road block.  Seems that those ideas and plans I had have been cancelled.  I do not know what that is going to mean for my family.  Am I worried?  You bet.  Do I like that?  No way.  I am scared to be quite honest.  I have no control over this situation.  Which is hard for someone who likes to know what is going on. 

BUT....I have complete hope and trust in the One who does.  I know that in the midst of all that is going on, I can look to and call on the One for whom our hope is in.  The only One who can calm the storm that seems to be raging around me.  I know that only He can calm me.  Only He can provide that lasting, sustaining peace that nothing and no one else can provide.  So why do I even worry when I know the one who brings me peace?  I do not know....I wish I knew.  I wish I could skip the worry stage completely.  I pray one day I will.  For now I am just going to focus on the One who knows my worries and has only His best in mind for me and my family.  I am trying to focus on just listening...listening intently to what His direction is.



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Karren said...

I'm right there with ya. I've been dealing with the same thing for months--worrying and stressing. I needed this reminder, to just sit still and listen. Thank you

Jhona O. said...

I'm going to be praying for you! As soon as I hit this enter button I will pray. It is SO difficult when we are planners to let the flexibility that we are suppose to have as military wives take over. I'm not sure when that becomes a part of our natural reflexes but I wish it would happen soon:) I find it refreshing to read your honesty and think that it's okay to post about the not so great moments. You have a strong faith and I know that you know God has got this! That should make it a lot easier right...the knowing. Our human nature fights so hard against the peace of that knowledge. I am so glad you shared because we do all go through these moments. It's nice to not feel alone in them.