Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Having "The" Talk

Telling your children about an upcoming deployment NEVER gets any easier. We have been DREADING having "the" talk with them ever since we found out. We knew we would wait until it was close to time before we would tell them...and we are getting to that point now.

So a few weeks ago, J had to go away for a couple weeks on some army training. (gotta love all the training/schools that take place in order to prepare for deployment). I thought to myself, well this may be the time...it was not, but I will share with you how it went.

I was playing in the sprinkler with the kids. When they decided to take a break, I thought ok...while they sit here with their popsicles, I will tell them. Here is how it went:

Me: "Kids do you remember when daddy had to go away last year for army work?"

Madi (the 3 yr old): "Yea, he was gone protecting our country"

Jack (the 5 yr old): "Yes, mommy. Daddy had to go protect our country and keep us safe. He was gone a long time"

Me: "that is right children. He was gone to protect our country. And being gone for over a year is a long time. Children, what if daddy had to go protect our country again?"

Jack: "No, mommy he already has. He does not have to do that again. I do not want him to go away for a long time like that ever again."

Madi: "Is he going to get killed?"

I IMMEDIATELY stopped the conversation right there. Why on earth is my 3 yr old thinking like this???? These are my thoughts...my private thoughts...that I NEVER share and especially NEVER share with the kids. I was completely shocked by her response. I honestly did not know how to respond. It took me a few moments to regain myself. I assured Madi that God is protecting all of us and has a greater plan for all of us. A greater plan than we could ever imagine. Not sure she understood or not, but I pray for her understanding. I pray for Jack's as well.
I did not tell them about the deployment. Not sure that they are ready to hear that yet.

We dread telling them...it is not going to be easy. Right now I am just praying and asking God to prepare their little hearts to hear this. That is all I know to do for now.

So how do I tell them??? How do I reassure them??? Any advice here is greatly welcomed. =)

I will leave you with a picture of my little patriots:



Danie Nicole said...

This is something that I do not look forward to. I wish you the best of luck and will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Bama Belle said...

Jessica this just breaks my heart. I don't have any advice, but I am praying for you and believing that God is going to give Jack & Madi understanding that only He can give. Love you honey!!

Shelly said...

That is so hard. While I think it is hard right now that my 2 year old just doesn't understand, I think it may be even harder when they do understand. No age is a good one for a deployment, huh? I wish you all the best in telling them.

Shea said...

I have no advice on how to share the news with them but I do have faith that God will provide the right words at the right time and that they will have peace and understanding. THANK YOU for your sacrifice, Jessica! I can only imagine how hard these days are. I'm praying for you!!

Aimee said...

Jess...that breaks my heart!

I don't know what to say. Or any advice to give you on how to tell them. It will be hard no matter what.

I CAN promise to pray that God will calm their hearts and yours.

Tressie said...

I will be praying for you all. I can't even imagine how hard this is. Please tell Jason thank you from the bottom of my heart for serving this great country. And thank you for the sacrifices you have made over the years as well. I miss you girl. Love you and God Bless you all.


Kathryn said...

I am so sorry you have to go through this, this is something I have been dreading as I am about to have this baby, I know that one day I will have to go through the same thing. I hope that God gives you and your family peace and prepares your children's hearts for what you have to tell them.

Kathryn said...

"sending you hugs sweety!
your thoughts are so natural...we have all been through them.
You are going to do great and be a great mommy. Sure you will be tired, but it will pass =)
God is and will give you the strength to be a good mommy and a good wife."

Thanks so much for the encouragement! I am glad I am not the only one with these thoughts!

Jenifer said...

Oh Jessica...I wish I had lots of experience and advice to share but I don't. We are wondering how to plan for it ourselves. I know I don't want to give Ellie all the grisly possible details but I struggle with how "honest" to be. Part of me says if I tell her that everything will be alright, Daddy will some home safely and then God forbid something were to happen...I don't want her to think I lied to her. But I also think that you have to be age appropriate. Death and dying is such a big, vague concept. My plan is to tell her that God will protect Daddy and keep him safe and pray that the other "bridge" never comes for us to cross. Praying for guidance from God for you and Jason as you share with your little ones.

Kayla Sue said...

I am dreading having talks like these with my kids. We only have a four month old baby boy right now, but I'm sure if my hubby stays in the army the day will come that I'll be in that place too. :( Good luck, I'll be praying for you!

Wife on the Roller Coaster said...

That is such a difficult question. I think you handled the question VERY well. I don't have any great advice because I struggled with that myself before my husband left. I guess just keep the lines of communication open. When you do tell them about the deployment, encourage questions. I don't know. This is a tough one. Good luck!

Tamara said...

OH Jess! That just breaks my heart! I don't really know what to say...

Praying for you, Jason, and your precious babies.

Love you sweet friend!

Nancy said...

I promise I will pray for the right words to come out of your mouth for your two little angel's. I'm also praying that God will protect Jason, protect you 3 while he is away, and bring you back together FOREVER ~ and you won't have to worry about these talks anymore. Our God is a GREAT GOD...your faithfullness will be blessed.

Crystal said...

Praying for you and your family, Jess!! I'm praying specificly that God will give you the words and the right timing to tell them. And that He will prepare their little hearts!

The Wifey said...

This is the hardest part of deployment for us. We try to explain it but for my girls it takes him actually leaving for it to sink it. ::hugs::

I also left you something on my blog. http://ramblingmilitarywife.blogspot.com/2010/06/heres-low-down.html

Jhona O. said...

Ugh! What a stab in a mama's heart to hear such a tough question come from our little ones. I will be praying for your family and praying for wisdom when the tough questions come. You have such a sweet family! You're doing a great job and I know that the words you need will come when they need to!