Yesterday the tow truck came to get the car. Jackson and Madeline stood at the end of the driveway waving to it saying "Bye-Bye broken car". Oh I am so thankful for the good ol reliable Toyota Camry!
OK now for the main reason for this post.
It is hard to believe, but today marks 6months since Jason began this 2nd deployment. Jason left on Feb. 16 to begin training. It is just really hard to believe that 6 months have already passed by. Some days it feels like he just left last week, yet other days it feels like it has been 6 years (how can that even be possible???) I feel as if I have been in a fog. Most days it actually feels like I am treading water and yet never reaching my destination (anyone else able to identify with this feeling?)
A lot of the struggles I had at the beginning of this deployment are still there...fears, anxieties, loneliness, sleepless nights. Those struggles are nothing like they were in the beginning, but they do have a way of creeping up on me when I am not keeping my main objective as a commitment to know God and trust in His plan for me and my family. I would like to say that I always do this, but I am human and stumble, a lot.
My priorities have changed a lot. I no longer see things the way I did before. Call it what you want, but I feel it is the sovereignty of Christ opening my eyes. I realized I have wasted so much time and energy pursuing things for my own happiness and my own satisfaction. Which has really got me thinking...do I have the same priorities and pursuits in my life that Christ would have for me? Are my values the same as His? It is all part of this cycle of dying daily to me! to my needs and to my wants.
I know that through these past 6 months there has never been a moment when I was out of Christ's mind. He knows me. He knows my needs. He knows this journey in my life before I did and He is with me every step of the way. There is no moment when His eyes are off of me. No moment. And even though I may get distracted, He does not.
"There is unspeakable comfort-the sort of comfort that energizes, be it said, not enervates-in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion Him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench His determination to bless me."
We have had a rather difficult week here at the Crow house, but we kept going. We kept going because of the grace and strength that only Christ could give during those moments, because believe me there were times when I just could not. This week has been a really tough week for Jackson. I have been struggling with him and hurting for him. And just when I thought I just could not take anymore, the engine went out in the stinking Ford. Went to drive the Camry...tire was going flat. Oh my how I miss Jason terribly! How I wish he was here to help me and take some of this responsiblity off me. I am comforted that Christ is with me. There is no moment when His eyes are off of me.