Saturday, August 16, 2008

6 months...

A few quick updates:


Yesterday the tow truck came to get the car. Jackson and Madeline stood at the end of the driveway waving to it saying "Bye-Bye broken car". Oh I am so thankful for the good ol reliable Toyota Camry!



Today, Madeline and I went to a bridal luncheon for Allie. Madeline is going to be the flower girl in Allie's wedding next weekend. (Allie, I hope you do not expect too much out of our Madeline...)



OK now for the main reason for this post.


It is hard to believe, but today marks 6months since Jason began this 2nd deployment. Jason left on Feb. 16 to begin training. It is just really hard to believe that 6 months have already passed by. Some days it feels like he just left last week, yet other days it feels like it has been 6 years (how can that even be possible???) I feel as if I have been in a fog. Most days it actually feels like I am treading water and yet never reaching my destination (anyone else able to identify with this feeling?)


A lot of the struggles I had at the beginning of this deployment are still there...fears, anxieties, loneliness, sleepless nights. Those struggles are nothing like they were in the beginning, but they do have a way of creeping up on me when I am not keeping my main objective as a commitment to know God and trust in His plan for me and my family. I would like to say that I always do this, but I am human and stumble, a lot.


My priorities have changed a lot. I no longer see things the way I did before. Call it what you want, but I feel it is the sovereignty of Christ opening my eyes. I realized I have wasted so much time and energy pursuing things for my own happiness and my own satisfaction. Which has really got me thinking...do I have the same priorities and pursuits in my life that Christ would have for me? Are my values the same as His? It is all part of this cycle of dying daily to me! to my needs and to my wants.


I know that through these past 6 months there has never been a moment when I was out of Christ's mind. He knows me. He knows my needs. He knows this journey in my life before I did and He is with me every step of the way. There is no moment when His eyes are off of me. No moment. And even though I may get distracted, He does not.


"There is unspeakable comfort-the sort of comfort that energizes, be it said, not enervates-in knowing that God is constantly taking knowledge of me in love and watching over me for my good. There is tremendous relief in knowing that His love to me is utterly realistic, based at every point on prior knowledge of the worst about me, so that no discovery now can disillusion Him about me, in the way I am so often disillusioned about myself, and quench His determination to bless me."


J.I. Packer



We have had a rather difficult week here at the Crow house, but we kept going. We kept going because of the grace and strength that only Christ could give during those moments, because believe me there were times when I just could not. This week has been a really tough week for Jackson. I have been struggling with him and hurting for him. And just when I thought I just could not take anymore, the engine went out in the stinking Ford. Went to drive the Camry...tire was going flat. Oh my how I miss Jason terribly! How I wish he was here to help me and take some of this responsiblity off me. I am comforted that Christ is with me. There is no moment when His eyes are off of me.



4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Jecca,

Its hard to believe it has been six monts since they have left. I am so grateful to have you to help me get through this. Thank you so much for being there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. I look forward to our "Family of 6" outings every week.

Kim

Katy Watters said...

hey girl...i am so encouraged by your story. hang in there.

and i wanted to let you know i am here now. i am officially moved in. let's be friends!

Crystal said...

I just found your blog today by way of Lisa Swinney. I was looking at some older posts and saw the one about Paula Deen! What is so funny is that my and my hubby were watching that episode the other night and he paused it w/ the DVR and asked if that was Aimee Weathers! He use to work with her at Saks Elementary. I don't know Aimee but knew of her from her first blog. I had to call him today to tell him it was confirmed! We've lived in Cleburne County now for the past 16 months but we are originally from Calhoun Co.
I will say a prayer today for you and your precious family!

Corie said...

It was so great to finally meet you. What an amazing friend you are to Aimee. God is so good to provide the perfect people in our life when we need them. Hope to see you soon.