So this is only the 4th day of 400+ days I have before me of being a "single" parent and let me just say it is difficult. Sorry, I am just being honest :). God and I have done a lot of talking these past 4 days...ok maybe I have done more talking than listening, but I am working on that. Jason is doing fine. He calls every chance he can, but it always seems to be when the children are asleep. I know he really wants to talk to them so hopefully he will be able to call at a time when they are awake. Jackson is having a really difficult time. He asks all day "where's daddy", "I want my daddy". When I try to explain things to him, he gets mad and lashes out. He has even started to regress a little. Madeline is just Madeline. She is exploring new heights (literally) and seems to be doing ok so far. Of course she is not really big enough to understand what is going on around her.
In my quiet time today I studied 1Peter 4:12-13
"Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; but rejoice to the extent that you partake of Christ's sufferings, that when His glory is revealed, you may also be glad with exceeding joy."
From my understanding this is about Christian persecution, but it really touched me as I am facing my own fiery trial of suffering. I gathered from further study that 4 attitudes are necessary when going through a trial:
1. expect it (we all know that trials are inevitable...we are either coming out of one, in one, or going into one)
2. rejoice in it
3. evaluate its cause
4. entrust it to God (I am so greatful that I can cast all my worries on Him - Psalm 34:17 "The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears and delivers them out of all their troubles"
So even though things right now are very trying I am ever so greatful for this suffering. I know Christ is using this time to shape me. I know that He hears my cries and is taking my burden and for that I am so thankful. I could not do it on my own.
Thank you for continuing to check the blog...sorry its been a few days since an update, but as you can imagine life has been turned upside down. Please continue to pray for our family and specifically Jackson's understanding.