Wednesday, March 19, 2008
I am back...
Sorry for the brief hiatus from blogging. To be perfectly honest things have seemed unbearable lately. I miss Jason so much. I am so lonely. It takes every ounce of energy I have to get out of bed. But I have to since I have 2 kids to take care of. I have really been trying to keep things as normal as possible for them and keep them in a routine. Routine is good for all 3 of us. I feel at war inside myself. Its like I want to leave the house everyday to keep us occupied and take my mind off the fact that Jason is not here, yet I don't want to leave. When we do leave, it is so hard to come back home to an empty house. I cringe pulling in the driveway to see Jason's car knowing he is not inside. The other day I was on my way home from the grocery store and out of habit I picked up my cell phone to call home and tell Jason I was on my way so he could help me unload the car. As I dialed the number it hit me...he is not there (and it hit like a ton a bricks!) Those little moments are so hard. The fear and anxiety are still around. I know I am just wasting my energy on worry and fear, but at times it is just so overwhelming. So I am really trying to keep myself in God's word and rest in the comfort I am finding there. Philippians 4:6 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God." Worry and fear are counterproductive. Worrying about things beyond my control is a lack of trust in God's power and a lack of trust in His sovereignty. When the fears creep in, I am turning them over to Christ-asking Him to take the fears away. And I am firmly believing it happens because Philippians 4:7 goes on to say "And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." I am praying for that peace, that tranquillity which comes only when I fully commit all the fear and worry to God. I am so thankful that Christ has chosen me for this journey yet again and I know that He alone will give me the strength each day (sometimes each minute) to continue on. I am praying for God to keep watch over/guard my thoughts, fears, worries, and anxiety.
Jason has arrived to his mobilization station at Ft. Bragg, NC. He is busy in briefings, but calls every chance he gets. He is missing the comforts of home. He said they are staying in old WWII barracks-(I can only imagine) We are not sure how long Jason will be in Ft. Bragg before heading over in support of OIF, but we pray that we are able to travel there to see him before he leaves.
Thank you for continuing to check the blog and giving me an outlet to share my thoughts and feelings about this journey. I really enjoy reading your comments ;) I hope you enjoy the picture of my favorite 3 people in the whole world! This was the night before Jason left. We had a farewell dinner at Top O The River. The kids t-shirts said I love my soldier daddy. (They have another one that says My daddy is my hero -with an American flag on it)