Friday, March 25, 2011

Missing Him

Ever had a week when you just felt an overwhelming sense of loneliness???

Ever had a week when you would give anything to come home to a hug???

Ever had a week when you would love to wake-up and your husband be right person...not a picture or an image on the computer???

Boy, I sure have had one of those this week.
Don't get me wrong, I miss J terribly everyday.  Not a moment passes that I don't think about him.  Not a moment passes that I don't wonder what he's doing, then proceed to figure up the time difference and try to imagine what he may be doing.  He is never far from our hearts and our thoughts...I just wish that he wasn't so far from our arms.

Not sure what brought this all on...maybe I do...who knows...

I am not the only one missing him though, the kids are missing him too.  Jack has been really great about verbalizing how he is feeling and letting me know when he needs to talk about daddy.  Of course, he asks me daily how much longer...that number is still not getting small enough fast enough, ha.  Madeline is a different story though.  She does not say much about missing daddy, though I know she does.  She has had a few pretty intense melt-downs that just down right break my heart.  She had one of those this week.  (Didn't help with my already missing him terribly feelings)  It breaks my heart to look at my children hurting.  To listen to them talk about missing daddy.  To know how much they just want daddy to come home.

While Madeline was having her melt down I just held her and reassured her, but the sweetest thing happened.  Jack sat with me and put his hand on her and said "mommy, we need to pray for sissy, God will help her feel better"  (yea, if I was not already crying at that point, I was for sure by then)  So Jack prayed a sweet little prayer for Madeline to feel better and it was just perfect and sweet and to the point.  How thankful I am that God has chosen me and Jason to parent these children.  How blessed I am.

After is was all over and everyone was in the bed, I was talking about it with my friend trying to process it all and she made such a wise observation.  She pointed out that last deployment Madeline did not have these meltdowns since she really did not understand, but when daddy came home she did not know how to act and the reintegration process was tough (ok, tough is an understatement) BUT as much as it breaks my heart to see Madeline have these meltdowns, they probably are a good thing because it means she is thinking about daddy and showing how much she is missing him...and maybe, just maybe, reintegration will be "easier" this time. 

This week, as I was basically having my own little pity party, I was thinking about just how much I miss J.  Not just miss him, but things about him and things we would be doing as a family if he was home.  So I came up with a little list of "What I Miss"...
- doing his laundry  (did I seriously just say that??? yes, I do.  I really do )
- cleaning the "splatter" off the mirror every morning where he has shaved and brushed his teeth
- cooking real meals (I love to cook, especially our "Friday night fun night meals" aka can not be a casserole on Friday night)
- sitting next to him at dinner
- holding hands
- watching a movie after the kids go to bed and eating popcorn and/or a bowl of ice cream
- hugs
- watching "his" shows on tv (for the most part we do not have the same taste in shows, but it did not bother me to watch those shows because it meant we were together...and I find myself from time to time watching shows that I think he would be watching if he were at home)
- a shoulder to lean my head on
- help with bath time and bedtime
- being able to pick up the phone and call him
- sound of the garage door opening
- the anticipation of him coming home after a long day
- packing his lunch
- grilling out (this is completely his job, the last time I tried to light the grill it did not end so well)
- fighting him for covers (I always tease him that he is trying to keep the floor warm because that is where the covers end up)

I could keep on with the list, but I think the point is made...I miss my hubby.

I came across this picture of him a little while back on facebook and I totally swiped it ;) 

Then I came across this one on my phone from back last fall when we took him to the airport to begin this long deployment journey.

But, as much as I have been feeling really blah this week, God has been so faithful to send me comforts with reminders of His strength and grace in scripture and through the reminders of friends.  I know it is not a mistake that when I was feeling really low this week, I would get a text, call, or message from a friend letting me know that I was being laid on their hearts...yep, no mistake...just comforts and reminders.  Thank you, God, that my lines have fallen in pleasant places.

and much thanks to my sweet friend for the goody bags for my children and this basket full of goodness...I am enjoying some (I will not tell how much) of the chocolate as I type this blog...they are spectacular...I will be using the new water bottle and towel next week when I am working this off, but for now, I am enjoying this yumminess and thanking God for the sweet friends He has placed in my life....again, all I can think is how grateful I am that my lines have fallen in pleasant places (Psalm 16:6) 



Jenifer said...

Praying for you my sweet friend. I can not imagine the number of little things that you miss that drive me bananas! :-) I'll be sure to try hard to appreciate the laundry and the splatter. I do try to be thankful that my hubby is home when so many are missing theirs for a time or until we reach heaven....really puts things in perspective. Praying for good days for you all this week.

Joyce said...

As I read your blog, I marveled at the wonderful ingredients you have within you. What beautiful sound traits the Lord has blessed you with. One of those seems to be balance which is a sustaining ally when everything seems to start sliding in the wrong direction. You and your beautiful family are always in my prayers.

Shelly said...

Your posts always leave me speechless.

I've been feeling down and lonely a lot lately. As I'm approaching the end I'm finding the blah feeling is more frequent. It's too early for excitement, and just feeling old now.

That was really a really good observation from your friend that your daughter's fits mean she is thinking about her Daddy. I never thought of it like that.

Thank you very much for the reply about the zoo. I skimmed it, but I had company here so I couldn't really focus. It seems like you gave me lots of tips and I cannot wait to read it and plan some more about the vacation b/c it is something to look forward to.

Have a great weekend!

Mahala said...

Jess, I hope that next week is a little easier. You guys are in my prayers. Lots of love.

Kathryn said...

I am praying for you guys! Thanks for sharing your heart.

Christina said...

It is so hard to watch the kids go through this. You know my husband just left and my 7 year won't even talk about him. When I snuggle up with him at night and say "I wonder what daddy is doing?" He says "don't talk about dad it makes me cry." He went through a deployment a few years ago and he does not really remember this being he was so much younger.

I hope your next week is better. I will be praying for you and your family. It is especially hard on the kids. I never had to go through this as a child and can't imagine what it's like, but I'd bet it's very hard. I wish our generation of kids did not have to go through missing their parents because of war. That's really sad.

Crystal said...

Praying for you!!

Tonya said...

Praying for you! I've been missing my hubby too. But God is the ultimate comforter and he'll take care of us all!

By the way, I love how your son suggested to pray for your daughter. How sweet was that!