Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Out Of The Blue...

Ever have one of those days when everything is actually going pretty good? 

One of those days when your trucking right along in the deployment journey and although you miss your husband, your "ok". 

One of the those days when the kids seem to be doing pretty well and although they ask their usual daily questions about daddy, it seems like they are "ok".
One of those days that seems like actually one of the "good" days during a deployment....then...boom out of absolutely no where, one of the kids has a breakdown that leads into a ripple effect and then suddenly everyone is not "ok"???

Well, we had one this evening.  Took me by surprise.  It was so out of the blue.  I was not expecting it at all.  I mean usually you can just tell or sense when it is going to be a tough day, but I really did not think that this was going to be one of those days. (just goes to show that I do not need to be over confident and serves as a reminder that everything about this deployment is challenging what I thought) A reminder that the reality of this deployment is not always what I expect.  And most of the time, it is not something I can not control.  I can not control when mine or my children's emotions change.  Can not control when one of my children has a breakdown because he misses his daddy so much.  I can not control those situations.  I can not prevent them.  Because the reality of it all is that we all are missing J and want nothing more than for all this to be over and have him home with us....but I can not make that happen. 

Instead I must trust in our sovereign Lord who is in control and knows what is best for us.  I must trust in Him during those times when I have to hold my 6 yr old wiping tears off his check while he asks me repeatedly why his daddy can't come home.  How I wish I could bring his daddy home, how I wish I could make this all end, how I wish I could...but I can't.  And I know I can't.  BUT I know without a doubt that there is a reason for this deployment.  A reason why we must be apart again.  A reason why I had to hold my child while he longed for nothing more than to see his daddy in real life (not on a computer screen) I know the HE has a purpose for this.  I know that HE is in control of all this and is caring for and loving us during every step of this journey.  I know that.  I wish my child did.  I pray that my child does.  I pray that one day my son will look back at this and know that.

 I wish I could take my child's hurts away...I can comfort him and reassure him, but I can not take it away.  What I can do though is tell him about the ONE who can.  I can tell my child about a loving Father whose intentions for this deployment are not to harm us, but instead are to grow us into a closer relationship with Him. (even if the process of bringing us closer to Him is hard)  I can tell my son all about the characteristics of God and reassure him that our help and our hope rests in Him.  I can do those things because it is all I know to do...but oh how I wish I had control in this situation...how I wish I could give my son what he wants.  But I know I can not and I must trust that even in this situation, He has our best in mind.

"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."  Romans 8:28

Tonight was difficult....no mommy wants to see their child hurting.  But, as quickly as it came on, it also passed.  Though my mind has not left the situation...how could it??? 

We talked about daddy and all the things we have to look forward to once daddy comes home.  Jack talked about getting to go to his favorite restaurant when his daddy comes home.  So I encouraged him to draw his daddy a picture about going to his favorite restaurant.  So he did...


how sweet is that???  He drew himself and daddy wearing bow ties and Madi and me wearing flowers in our hair.  I love it.  I have not ever worn flowers in my hair and to the best of my knowledge J and Jack have not ever worn bow ties out to dinner, but I love it in this picture...and who knows, maybe I will pick up some bow ties for my guys and a flower for my hair so when daddy does return we can head to our favorite restaurant looking like this picture (though there would be one difference, Jason will not be taller than me hehe)


Photobucket

8 comments:

Photina said...

Those days are so hard. I remember having our fair share of those during deployment. Lots of hugs and prayers for you and your family.

Shelly said...

Your outlook and faith are so inspiring. I really look up to you as a role model of what a parent in a military family should be. My heart breaks to hear about children going through these deployments. I can tell from what I read though that your kids are in fantastic hands, and they are lucky!

Jami said...

Seems like you made the best of a bad situation..good for you. I love you. Thanks for sharing...I love the drawing and the idea of making it come true when J comes home!

Jennifer Bice said...

Aaaww..so sorry that ya'll had a bad day. You are so strong and so inspiring! That picture is SO CUTE and if ya'll go eat with bow ties and flowers you must take a picture of that :) And I laughed out loud about Jason not being taller than you!

Nancy said...

God has given you SO MUCH strength & just the right words to give your sweet Jackson. I can't wait for the post of that picture again & then the real pic of the 4 of you going out to his favorite restaurant!!
I love you!!

Holly said...

praying for new strength for you each day and a peace that passes all understanding for those sweet babies...
love,
Holly

Crystal said...

hahahah! i love the comment about jason not being taller than you though he is in jack's pic! that is precious and i wanted to see if you knew, there are some shops on etsy that can take your child's drawing and put it into a silver pendant for a necklace. I think they are priceless and thought of it when i saw the pic!

Barb said...

Wow, what a day you all had. I know it must be difficult to watch when your children are hurting. You did such a good job turning it around and sharing your faith. Love the picture and the idea of bringing it to life.