Ever have one of those days when everything is actually going pretty good?
One of those days when your trucking right along in the deployment journey and although you miss your husband, your "ok".
One of the those days when the kids seem to be doing pretty well and although they ask their usual daily questions about daddy, it seems like they are "ok".
One of those days that seems like actually one of the "good" days during a deployment....then...boom out of absolutely no where, one of the kids has a breakdown that leads into a ripple effect and then suddenly everyone is not "ok"???
Well, we had one this evening. Took me by surprise. It was so out of the blue. I was not expecting it at all. I mean usually you can just tell or sense when it is going to be a tough day, but I really did not think that this was going to be one of those days. (just goes to show that I do not need to be over confident and serves as a reminder that everything about this deployment is challenging what I thought) A reminder that the reality of this deployment is not always what I expect. And most of the time, it is not something I can not control. I can not control when mine or my children's emotions change. Can not control when one of my children has a breakdown because he misses his daddy so much. I can not control those situations. I can not prevent them. Because the reality of it all is that we all are missing J and want nothing more than for all this to be over and have him home with us....but I can not make that happen.
Instead I must trust in our sovereign Lord who is in control and knows what is best for us. I must trust in Him during those times when I have to hold my 6 yr old wiping tears off his check while he asks me repeatedly why his daddy can't come home. How I wish I could bring his daddy home, how I wish I could make this all end, how I wish I could...but I can't. And I know I can't. BUT I know without a doubt that there is a reason for this deployment. A reason why we must be apart again. A reason why I had to hold my child while he longed for nothing more than to see his daddy in real life (not on a computer screen) I know the HE has a purpose for this. I know that HE is in control of all this and is caring for and loving us during every step of this journey. I know that. I wish my child did. I pray that my child does. I pray that one day my son will look back at this and know that.
I wish I could take my child's hurts away...I can comfort him and reassure him, but I can not take it away. What I can do though is tell him about the ONE who can. I can tell my child about a loving Father whose intentions for this deployment are not to harm us, but instead are to grow us into a closer relationship with Him. (even if the process of bringing us closer to Him is hard) I can tell my son all about the characteristics of God and reassure him that our help and our hope rests in Him. I can do those things because it is all I know to do...but oh how I wish I had control in this situation...how I wish I could give my son what he wants. But I know I can not and I must trust that even in this situation, He has our best in mind.
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28
Tonight was difficult....no mommy wants to see their child hurting. But, as quickly as it came on, it also passed. Though my mind has not left the situation...how could it???
We talked about daddy and all the things we have to look forward to once daddy comes home. Jack talked about getting to go to his favorite restaurant when his daddy comes home. So I encouraged him to draw his daddy a picture about going to his favorite restaurant. So he did...