Monday, January 11, 2010

Need To Share

This is one of those posts where I honestly do not even know where to begin...
There is no easy way to say this, believe me I have searched my head for the words a hundred times...
The best I have come up with is just to "lay it all out"...
So, here it is...I am just going to go ahead and lay it out there.
Jason found out at drill this past weekend that he will likely be deploying again later this year. Yes, you read that sentence correctly....Jason will likely begin his 3rd deployment later this year.
We have some information, but I know better than to share all that information on here. I will tell you that it is later this year and it will be a year long deployment. Do you want to hear a crazy thought??? When Jason told me this deployment would be for a year, I thought "well, it is shorter than the 2nd deployment was." Good grief...that is a crazy thought huh???
Now...that thought was not my first, to be quiet honest with you I was SHOCKED!!! Deep down I knew, we knew, that a 3rd deployment would happen...but I was not expecting it this soon at all. I did not handle the information to well. (Sorry this is my blog and I am just being real with you) You would think that with 2 deployments under my belt that I would be a pro at this by now huh? Well, the answer is NO. The news is not any easier to take the 3rd time than it was the very 1st time...actually I would venture to say that the 3rd time is harder. Maybe I am saying that because the emotions are still so raw and real right now, but it is very hard no doubt! Want to know something else strange??? I was just starting to prepare a post about adjusting after the 2nd deployment...maybe I will still get to that post...who knows. It is so weird that I can still recall the emotions from deployment #2...and well here we go again...back on the roller coaster.
This information is really doing a number on me, on both of us...
I was sharing with a friend that God has been preparing me for this and I have not been paying attention...or maybe ignoring? I really do not know what the correct word would be. All I know is during my quiet times, all these "signs" were made so real and obvious to did I miss them? Why was I not paying attention?
I have all the head knowledge...I KNOW without a doubt that God is our strength and refuge during these times. I KNOW that these events were orchestrated by a sovereign God who loves me more than anyone else can love me. I KNOW that His plans for me and my family are for our own good. I KNOW that God is using these times to grow me, to strengthen me. I KNOW that God is using this to refine me and bring me closer to Him. And above all, I KNOW that God is using this to bring Him the glory. And though I may not understand all this (and believe me, I do not understand and have said "why" more times than I can count) I trust with complete hope and faith in a sovereign God who will bring us through this once again.
Jason and I agree that the children do NOT need to know anything right now. As we know all too well, information, dates, and time change (often). It is best for them to not know anything right now. We will tell them when we feel the time is right. Please understand this and not say anything about this to them or around them. Thank you!
In closing, I will say that your prayers and support are appreciated. I will update as I know things.
I do want to leave you with 2 scriptures that I have been praying over and over the last couple days.

And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. Romans 8:28

Fear not, for I am with you; Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, Yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with My righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10



K said...

Before my husband deployed I thought I would be okay since we have been through this twice already, but it honestly felt harder to let him go. Just take it day by day and continue to seek God--He will help you & your family through this! I will keep y'all in my prayers..

Nancy said...

Girl. I want to vomit for you right now. I'm praying. I will keep praying. I will be in Anniston soon (not sure when...but soon) & I promise I will see you - God will get you both through. I WISH you didn't ever have to go through this again.
Faith will get you through. Gotta have faith in God.

Amanda said...

I don't know you but my heart just sank when I read this. I read your blog as it is updated. You have such a strong faith in God and he knows that and he will help all of you through this. I will pray for peace and strength for you and your husband and understanding for your children. God Bless Jason for being the person that he is and that he fights for his children's freedom!

Anonymous said...

Wow, Jessica. I'll be praying for you! I'm also so impressed at how you brought this post back around to God and His character and closed with Scripture. Very God-honoring when I'm sure it's kind of hard not get stuck in your own personal feelings right now!!

-Jocelyn Green

The Davis Family said...

Jessica, you are such a faithful child of God and a faithful wife and mother. Your struggles have taught me more than most. I am so sorry that you must endure this lifestyle again as you are just getting used to having him home. It makes no since to me what God's plan is but we both know and trust that there is one. I will pray for you. Your family is opening my "non-military family" eyes to exactly what our freedom does cost. Thank you both so much.

Aimee said...

I haven't gotten you off my mind since that call on Sun. morning. Ugh. I just have that sick feeling in my stomach and I want to make it better for you and I can't.

You have to tell yourself over and over the truths that you have mentioned in this post. You have to convince your heart of your head knowledge.

I know you, and I know that you know deep down that you will be OK. You know that you will not be forsaken and you will not endure this on your own. I know you know this.

I am here. You can vent to me anytime. ANd I will try to have something a little more profound to say than....this just sucks Jess. I guess you know me well enough now that I am not gonna mask anything. Sometimes, you just have to be real. And its OK to be real with GOd too. He is your Father and He is there to listen and cry with.

Praying without ceasing,

Nicole Rice said...

Jess you have already been so much stronger than I could have been through all of this. I cannot imagine. I am keeping you and your family in my prayers. I have to agree with a comment someone else left you...seeing what you have gone through has definitely opened my "non-military lifestyle" eyes. I don't think I could do it.

Crystal said...

Praying for you and Jason! I can't imagine how hard it must be.