Sometimes that thought crosses my mind and I just have to laugh. I got an email from a friend that was celebrating that I made it through another week. Pretty amazing considering there are times when I think "Am I going to make it through lunch?" Take for example, I took my kids shopping Friday so I could get a cocktail dress for Paula's Party. It took 3 adults, 2 bags of goldfish, a pack of crackers and several rides on the carousel to "occupy" them so I could try on dresses. What was I thinking??? One positive thing did come out of it...I got a dress! (now I just can not eat until the taping so I can be sure to fit into it)
I also have a new "list" That is a list of places we can not go to for at least 6 months in hopes they will not remember our faces :) Sunday I thought I would take the kids to Lowes and we would scope out the flowers and play on the tractors (Jack's favorite thing to do) Afterwards I thought lets eat at McD's and play on the playground. (What was I thinking??? That I just cleaned the house and wanted it to remain clean thru the evening at least) Well after 3 (yep 3) full cups spilt, countless bits of food to pick up off the floor, and 2 screaming kids who would not get out of the tunnel we left. (as I was leaving and apologizing for the
3rd spill I asked them to wait to cuss me until I got out the door) So McD's goes
1st on the list. The #2 spot occurred yesterday. We met some friend's for lunch at Wendy's (again just me and the kids - what was I thinking? had I not learned my lesson yet?) My kids left a mess as bad as a tornado (and they were as loud as one) My friend tells me "People are staring with 'that look'" Oh we all know "that look" don't we? That "my kids would never do that" look. Oh I've given it before, now I am the recipient of it. (OUCH!) So Wendy's is now on the list. In light of this we will remain at home today (and the next time I see a mommy alone and having a hard time I'll offer my help or a friendly smile instead of "the look")
Things are getting into more of a routine around here which is good. We have been able to use Skype to see and talk to Jason. He is still busy training in Ft. Bragg. Looks like he will get a 4 day pass soon. He is going to come home (easier than me traveling with the kids) We miss him so much and are looking forward to seeing him for 4 days (even though I am not looking forward to saying good bye again)
I continue to keep myself in God's word. I find Him revealing Himself to me more and more everyday through the truths in His word. I am learning that this journey is not for me to decide. A Christian life is not guaranteed to be a life free from pain, suffering, anxiety. BUT God's grace is sufficient and He supplies me with all I need to get through the day.
Lamentations 3:22-23
Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning, Great is thy faithfulness.
God's mercy is His love for us. No matter how difficult things may seem, God's love is always surrounding us. My needs will be provided for if I trust God and leave my anxieties and burdens with Him.
6 comments:
HA HA. Thanks for not revealing my name in your post. :) Who cares, I am past what people think. I was just relieved to have adult conversation at lunch! Your kids crack me up..I will try not to laugh anymore. So where should we head next week? What's not checked off yet?
Hey Jessica! It is great to read your posts. I think about you and your family everyday! God is the one that is going to keep you going! It is awesome knowing that you are finding strength through His word. If you have time (and I know that is nearly impossible with 2 little ones:-)) you should read the book Finding God's Path Through Your Trials by Elizabeth George. She is an amazing Christian author that has brought God's word to me and brought me through some of my roughest points. I started reading this book a couple of weeks ago when I found out I had a miscarriage. She talks about using your trials as joy...sounds impossible, right:-) But James 1:2 says "My brethren, count it all joy when you dall into various trials". A quote she uses that I love is "Life need not be easy to be joyful. Joy is not in the absence of trouble, but the presence of Christ". "Count it all as joy". God's grace is sufficient to get you through this. I hope you enjoy your 4 days with Jason! I know you are anxious to see him. We will continue to pray for you and your family and keeps us updated!!
Elizabeth Stanford
Jess-
I am truly blessed by your posts. You show such strenght and faith that I wish I could possess. I almost called you tonight (but it was 10:30 and I know you need your rest) because I wanted you to know that your faith and the scriptures you include in your posts mean so much to me and I can't tell you how much I need them. I hate that we haven't seen each other in years, but these posts give me a glimpse into your life. My heart breaks for the lonliness you feel and for the fact that you and Jason must be apart for this time. I just wanted you to know that your faith in this time is a blessing to me as I am sure it is to others as well. I will be praying for you all. Take care and thank you for being you.
Love, Tress
Jessica, you WILL survive even though it feels like you are dying inside. Can't wait to see you and the kids tomorrow!
Jessica!
Where have you been? I look for you and the kids to be outside everyday that I ride up the hill. But I have to say "No, Jacob, Not today" I know that you try to stay busy to keep that mind off of other things. I Understand. BUT WE MISS YOU GUYS! LOL! Jacob wants to run over to see if you are home. Not realizing that at least one of the cars are gone.
Oh. I love the part about "ThE LOOK! I get it a lot. And I have come to be softer to those in need as well. I want to help a mother or father with their children, or as simple as holding the door. Only because i would need the same help.
Again we miss you OUT SIDE!
Bye Hun!
Jessica Benefield
Hang in there! It's in these moments that you will smile your biggest smiles. Even if embarrased and exhausted your kids are going to get you through these long months without your husband! I say go back to Wendy's next week with your head held high! However, maybe take sippy kids with good lids to McD's next time. Just a suggestion.:) Thought I don't know you, I think of you often and pray for you, too!
Shea Luckett
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