Tuesday, May 4, 2010

MilSpouses Rock! Blog Carnival Day 4

Hello and Welcome to Day 4 of the Wives of Faith MilSpouses Rock! Blog Carnival
Our topic today, "10 Tough Things About Being A MilSpouse"
I had a pretty tough time coming up things for my list...not because there is not hard things (because believe me there are) but I really try not to focus too much on the tough times (especially because we are quickly approaching deployment day) I made my list, but I tried to include something positive or how I handle the negative. I hope that I am not coming across to negative here and that you understand what I am trying to relay. =)

1. Deployments- being gone for weeks and months to train to deploy then the actual deployment time...enough said on how hard that is huh? Yes it is incredibly hard even on the best days, but like I have said before, I am thankful for the way God has revealed Himself to me during those times.

2. Empty chair at the dinner table- it never gets easier to look over at the chair my hubby should be sitting in and know that he is not here...not even close. During dinner my hubby usually says the blessing, but when he was gone for deployment #2 Jack took over that role for us. Then we would talk about our days and what daddy was probably doing...it was a good way for the kids to think about daddy in a positive way instead of the sadness of him being gone.

3. Empty bed-I do not sleep well when hubby is gone and it seems he is gone often. During those nights when I could not sleep because of increased fear or anxiety, I would search scripture and pray them.

4. Missed holidays- It is not easy or fun to be without your spouse on the holidays. For Christmas we did a patriotic tree and covered it with pictures of our hero...it did not take the loneliness away, but it was nice to "see" his face there with us on Christmas morning.

5. Missed birthdays, anniversaries, extracurricular, first days of school and graduations- We have missed lots of these and are going to miss lots more. For birthdays my hubby always send a special pkg just for the birthday child...it is so exciting to see how creative you can get with gifts from "over there"

6. Loneliness – Being in the reserves is kind of lonely especially during deployment time. We do not have access to the benefits of living on or near a base (the closest base to us is well over 2 hours away) so we miss out on a lot of the "community" I have however made a few close friends from the FRG even though they do not all live close by. It makes it difficult to connect with people (civilians) who have not been through a deployment. I know that they try to understand, but really how can they? I am thankful though for the friendships.
It is also hard finding providers for Tricare in our area.

7. Something always breaks down or falls apart while hubby is gone.-Always! During deployment #2 both cars broke down, my little girl was hospitalized, and the a/c went out in the house...Each item was handled (and let me tell you it is NO FUN staying in a hospital alone with a sick child) and we learned. This time we are trying to prepare...but we all know the inevitable will happen.

8. We are in War-whether or not you like it…we are…it's not fun it's not fair but it’s the reality…there is such a lack of understanding and everyone has an opinion…yes your entitled to them, but sometimes I do not want to hear that it is pointless my hubby is “over there”

9. Loss of friends-People who seem to disappear during deployment…people who you think are your friend…say that they are going to call and check on you, keep you “busy” but then you do not ever hear from them. It is hard to feel so alone with out your hubby and then to "loose" a "friend" too...I have been fortunate in that most of my friends have truly been there for me...this has only happened to me once...it hurt though.

10. Drill weekend- oh yes, drill weekend...it ALWAYS seems to fall when a million things are going on...t-ball games, birthday parties, family fun day at church...I could go on forever...but most of the time he comes home at night and we "drop" in and see him at lunch even if it is just for a quick hello and hug =)

Ok...there was my 10...in no particular order but they are there...=)

Be sure to check out what other milspouses find tough at Wives Of Faith.



Jenifer said...

Girl, I hear ya! It is so hard and we've never even had to deal with an overseas deployment! I really think it is so different when you are a guard or reserve wife. It's like no one thinks you deal with the same things as being a "real" Army wife. There are some days I'd actually love to live on a post, shop the commissary and be around people just like myself! Looks like we'll be preparing for a deployment ourselves in the fall. I expect you to give me lots of advice and you check on me/I'll check on you! =) Love you!

Aimee said...

I loved your list. The empty chair one almost made me cry. We used to be reserves, and I hated drill weekends. It's bad enough that they have to work all week, but then to have to go away from a weekend on top of it was really hard. Great to meet you and I'm following now as well! :)

trooppetrie said...

My daughters biggest concern was that dad will miss her birthday yet again. I swear he misses all summer months

Chrysanthemama said...

Jessica, thank you for visiting my blog! I can't wait to get to know you better. You've got a great list here. Stay strong!

steph said...

Thanks for stopping by and leaving such a sweet comment! I, too, love to scrapbook AND I'm a SAHM:) I so hear you on the friend thing...I lost just about all of my friends during my husband's deployment. It was extremely hard to understand and I had no family in town to help fill in the holes. We moved "home" and I'm loving seeing my family on a regular basis! I love your blog...it's soooo pretty! I need some help with my blog decor;-)

Becky said...

9...the loss of friends. That's hard, and it always takes me by surprise. I don't know why, maybe they just don't feel like they can relate anymore, but it still hurts.

Aimee said...

Jess! That was hard to read!

I definitly do not understand your pain, but I will promise to pray for you during this time! So glad you have a circle of other Military wives that understand! (I noticed one even has my name (spelling too!)) LOL

Kathryn said...

Great list, thanks for sharing your heart!

Ebony S said...

I can relate to every single one of these with the only difference being I see it from an active duty perspective. I appreciate you sharing!